When self doubt dooms…

It’s been one week since I’ve been in Istanbul.  After four months of non-stop travel throughout Africa, Europe and the Balkans, I’m nesting in one spot for three weeks.  Intentional nesting, trying to slow down, as I am beginning the process for IVF. 

Although I consciously know that I am supposed to be using my energy to care for myself and reset after months of travel, it’s challenging to get my mind to stop. 

“I remind myself that slowing down doesn’t mean stopping. It’s simply shifting from doing to being.”

I have to consciously stop myself from going down a rabbit hole and getting trapped into the spiral.  It’s only been a week, and the intention in my life is new to me.  I have a loving, supportive partner who wants to fully care for me. 

I don’t really have much that I need to do on a daily basis other than care for myself.  And yet, I keep finding myself standing at the edge of the rabbit hole.  I question what am I doing to learn, I’m struggling to accept a Sunday stroll through the park as time in nature and that a morning workout, doctor visit, a couple errands is enough for the day. 

Isn’t this the life I have been dreaming of?  European cafes and casual strolls?  Why is it to hard to get out of the internal pressure of delivering  or working to feel whole?  Why can I not see that keeping a positive attitude, being supportive and taking care of myself is the ask I am delivering upon.  Why can I not see that my essence is the deliverable. 

Breathe in be.  Not always as easy as it seems.  

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